


You Can't Pick Your Family, But You Can Pick A Fight

by wanderlustandwhiskey



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Balthazar Is So Done, Family Drama, Family Dynamics, Family Fluff, Gabriel is a Little Shit, Gen, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Rivalry, Titanic References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 11:50:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12035292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wanderlustandwhiskey/pseuds/wanderlustandwhiskey
Summary: The angels spend a little quality family time together. It goes about as well as you'd expect. Or does it?





	You Can't Pick Your Family, But You Can Pick A Fight

The four archangels were engaged in a heated battle for dominance.

"Let me have what's mine!" Lucifer demanded.

"No! I won't let you take over!" Michael argued.

"You just can't stand for anyone to have more power than you! You always have to be the big man on campus. Well guess what, you're not."

" _I'm_ the power hungry one?! That's rich, coming from you," Michael retorted. "It's my duty to protect everyone from your tyranny!"

"Oh come on, you owe me," Lucifer said. "I gave you the railroad you wanted."

Michael had landed on Park Place and refused to sell it to Luci, who already owned Boardwalk and desperately wanted the set so he could build on it and collect outrageous amounts of rent. Michael was not about to let that happen. "I refuse to let you turn that part of the board into hell for everyone else!"

Gabriel palmed some plastic houses and was now quietly adding them to his property. He slid on as many as he could before Raphael, the banker, realized he was using the five-finger discount. Raph caught him placing the last house, so he had to pay for that one, but he slipped a few bills from Luci's pile of cash to cover the cost.

Mike and Luci were still playing tug of war with the Park Place card, so Gabe left to get more snacks, checking on his siblings who were watching a movie in the other room.

Anna and Castiel were standing on the couch, leaning over the edge with their arms outstretched. "I'm king of the world!" Cas shouted.

"Does the king of the world want more popcorn?" Gabe asked. "I'm on my way to the kitchen for snacks."

"Please take me with you," Balthazar begged. "I don't know why they like this awful movie so much."

" _Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you. That is how I know you go on_ ," Anna started singing. " _Far across the distance and spaces between us..._ "

"Why do I even come to these things?" Zar asked while rubbing his head.

" _You have come to show you, go on_." Anna started to belt it out, ad libbing lyrics as her brother walked away. " _Near, far, we love Balthazar! But you know that the film will play on_."

"The only snack I'm bringing you is iceberg lettuce," Balthazar threatened.

When Gabe returned to his game, fortified with a bowl of popcorn and a bag of Twizzlers, the Monopoly board had been upended. Colorful money was fluttering through the air like confetti, Lucifer and Michael were wrestling on the floor, Raphael was brushing game pieces off himself, and Gabriel's dog token was sinking to the bottom of his glass of Sprite.

"I'll never let go, Jack," Gabe said mournfully into his cup. He used a Twizzler to fish out the little dog, saving it from a carbonated demise, then bit the end off his strawberry licorice and used it as a straw to sip his soda. Since his game was clearly over, he wandered back to the TV room to watch the rest of _Titanic_.

"Must you all be so dramatic?" Balthazar complained.

Cas and Anna had thrown the couch cushion on the floor and were pretending it was a raft.

"We're trying to demonstrate that two people could fit."

"There would have been plenty of room on the raft for Jack if Rose had just gotten on the damn lifeboat like she was supposed to," Balthazar grumbled.

"Why don't we watch something more fun?" Gabriel suggested. "Like _Charlie and the Chocolate Factory_. Ooh, we're gonna need a lot of chocolate." He pointed at the head of green leaves Balthazar brought to his siblings as promised. "You guys have your cabbage, so you're all set for Bucket family dinners."

"That's lettuce," Cas said.

"Besides, if we're being the characters, I don't want to be the Buckets. I'd rather be Violet," Anna told Gabe. "You could be Augustus, since you like eating so much."

"Or an Oompa Loompa," Cas added, "because you're short."

"What are you guys talking about?" Gabe objected. "Obviously I'd be Willy Wonka."

The others, finished with their game, wandered in.

"Hey, Michael can be Mike TV, since you have the same name."

Michael shrugged. "Sure, and Luci can be Veruca Salt because he always has to get his own way."

Lucifer glared at his brother and began wrestling him to the ground.

"Hey now, don't start that again!" Gabriel said. He handed out large chocolate bars to everyone, in which he'd hidden a few golden tickets.

"There's something in my candy bar," Balthazar said as he unwrapped his chocolate. "This golden ticket entitles the bearer to select one movie of their choosing to be viewed during family night," he read. "Well I can tell you right now what we won't be watching." He eyed the _Titanic_ DVD disdainfully. "Perhaps we should watch _Rocky Horror_ ," Zar mused.

While Balthazar contemplated his film selection, the others eagerly opened their treats, hoping to discover a similar prize inside.

"My ticket says I get to pick the game next family night," Lucifer gloated. "We are so playing Settlers of Catan!"

Michael groaned. "That game is the worst."

"No it's not. You just hate it cause you suck at it."

Anna excitedly waved a golden ticket above her head. "I get to choose the snacks!"

Castiel looked forlornly at his Wonka bar. "I didn't get one," he said sadly.

"It's OK, Cassie, you can help me pick," Anna offered. She slung her arm around his shoulders in a side hug. Cas gave her a gummy smile in return.

Eager for more Wonka candy, Cas asked, "Are there any Nerds?"

"Yeah, I'm sitting right next to some," Gabe joked. He handed his brother the requested candy, then passed out Everlasting Gobstoppers to all his siblings while he was at it. "Now everybody shut your gobs and pay attention to the movie. There's a song coming up and I need to sing along."

" _Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop! The great big greedy nincompoop! Augustus Gloop! So big and vile, so greedy, foul, and infantile_ ," he sang.

"Hey look, Luci," Michael said, "it's your theme song!"

Lucifer stuck his forked tongue out at his brother.

"See? Infantile!" Michael gloated.

"I'll show you who's infantile," Lucifer said.

"Bring it on, you big baby," he taunted.

Gabriel didn't appreciate having his solo interrupted by another fight between his siblings. "Lucifer," he said, "you are my brother, and I love you. But you are a great big bag of dicks."

Lucifer turned to Gabriel and gave him a baleful look. "What did you say to me?"

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Here we go with the temper tantrum."

Balthazar sighed. "I'm afraid this is going to be my last family night. I'm going to go binge watch _Hell's Kitchen_ and pretend I don't know any of you."


End file.
